Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
