tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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