I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
