Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
