you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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