and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Did you just see the Batmobile???
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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