when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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