i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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