my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
