I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
