So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
