you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
