Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
