dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
