these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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