Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
