I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Randomize
