tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
