Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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