so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
