Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
