If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
