the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
