Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
