Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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