uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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