K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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