we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
