I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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