hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
