Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
