my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
