her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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