yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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