6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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