i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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