I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
