i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
