It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
