I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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