I accidentally burped into my bong.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
