Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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