You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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