So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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