I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
