you would pick up someone in the library
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize