I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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