got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize