I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
