In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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