The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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