Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
