How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You were trust falling into bushes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
