Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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