This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize