so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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