I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
