Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
