just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
