I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just gift wrapped bread.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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