Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this beer tastes like vomit already
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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