I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
