Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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