saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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