go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
